Someone to share the last cookie with

I recently lost one of my best friends. He didn't die, he moved to Sweden.

I denied to myself that he was leaving right up until the minute I said goodbye to him in the street and we both shuffled away, in the same way we would have if we were just catching up later that week. Denial was easier, anything else may cause tears.

I knew it would be hard for me. This was someone I spent many an afternoon watching terrible films with, someone who allowed me to turn up at his door, crying and covered in snot and he would simply make me an under filled cup of tea and get on with it. It was pretty simple. We ate food, drank tea, Googled the most random things and we talked as and when it was needed. That's friendship. It asks for nothing and expects nothing, it's easy to take for granted.

Since he left, I feel that there is a void. A lanky, friend shaped hole that he left. Yeah, sure we can email and WhatsApp but it's just not quite the same. Humans need company. I do. I like to be in the company of others. I like small gatherings, I like to know the people I am hanging out with. I like familiarity, routine, comfort.

So I'm in a bit of a predicament. How do you make new friends? At the age of 33, where do I go to meet new people and form purely platonic, meaningful relationships? It's not easy. Whilst I have many aquaintances and some good friends, they all have their own lives and to be honest, some have just turned out to not be the people I had thought they were. Whilst I am happy to maintain and work on good friendships, I refuse to let people drag me down. If someone doesn't want to make an effort, that's their choice.

I worry that I'm too old to make friends, that I am too awkward, anxious and weird. I talk myself out of going to do things and I'm scared to put myself into new situations. Does that mean I'm being left behind? Is that what anxiety is taking from me? Do I need to go to groups and make friends with other anxiety sufferers? I don't know if this would be a good thing because they would understand and relate or if it would be a bad thing as it may encourage me to stick with a lot of my current behaviours. I guess I won't know until I try.

So out into the world of friendship making I go. Feeling like this but trying to appear more. It's all part of looking after myself, trying to surround myself with people who will help me to feel like me. I can't replace the people who aren't here anymore, but I can definitely try to find someone else to short change my cup of tea.