A weight on my mind

Someone recently told me that I had gotten fat. It really hurt. It felt like a kick in my obviously oversized gut, it made me feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself that I had let myself get to that state. I became very self conscious, more so than usual and I made all the usual promises to myself to sort myself out.

I had planned to join the swimming pool and gym in the New Year, but one thing lead to another and between breakdowns, illness and bereavements, I haven't got round to it yet. I had planned to eat better, but between breakdowns, illness and bereavements, I haven't got round to that yet either.  In summary, I'm not doing so well with it all.

But I began to think, what was the cause of my weight gain?

Culprit number one, being in a new relationship:

Ok, so my relationship is no longer so new, but at the beginning, with all of those meals out, take away nights in and generally feeling all loved up, the fat piles on. Romantic strolls along the beach do not burn as many calories as you'd hope.

Culprit number two, lack of motivation:

I can't lie, I suffer a terrible lack of motivation. Just to get started. Once I'm off, I'm good. But getting started.... There are a million better things I could be doing. Such as... sitting... thinking... googling pictures of bunnies in fancy dress...

Culprit number three, desserts:

I have to take on some of the blame, it's not like I hardly eat, but I was never really a fan of desserts. Then I met my boyfriend and he had a terrible dessert based effect on me <insert your Spotted Dick puns as you like> and now I am a bit a of a dessert fiend. In fact, right now I'm thinking about chocolate brownie ice-cream...

Culprit number four, age:

Sad but true. Enough said.

Culprit number five, tired eating:

I eat when I am tired because I am grumpy when I am tired and eating makes me less grumpy. I am tired when my sleeping is bad, my sleeping is bad when I am sad, when I am sad, I eat, when I get fat, I get sad. Got it??

Culprit number six, meds:

Ah, finally one I can blame! A listed side effect of anti-depressants is weight gain. I guess it is one of the harder aspects to accept, especially for those with low self esteem. People don't look so sympathetically on it as they would if they saw your hands shaking or your tears falling.

Happiness is so much more than physical appearance and I know that, deep down. But that doesn't mean I am not looking forward to a possible weight loss when I stop my meds. Though I also know that I need to at least try to make an effort myself and not just expect miracles, I am holding on to a little bit of hope that with the bad side effects, some good may also come.

So I am basically looking for the motivation to eat better, start exercising and refuse desserts, whilst staying in love, sleeping well and giving up my meds. Easy!

I think I'll start on Monday...