Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

I know we have been together for quite a long time now and I know that for a lot of years, you have been in charge. I have let you make the calls, decide on how we should feel and what will upset us. You chose to take the hard route, to test us both and push us to our limits. You chose sadness and frustration, anxiety and worry, you got us both lost.

It's time for me to take the reigns, to navigate us out of this and let you admit that you got it wrong. It's ok, everyone gets it wrong sometimes, but I've had enough, you've had your turn and now it's mine.

Today I took the first steps to being med free and I will start on a reduced dose from tonight. I have signed up to the gym and will exercise and swim my way to endorphins (an endorphin dolphin?!!) as well as eating more sensibly and doing things for me. I am going to look after myself. I am going to put myself first.

I know you tried, brain, I'm not denying that, but there is so much I need to do and I have to do this myself. For the first time in so long I feel confident and positive that I can do this. I can get myself to a good place, a stable place and a more "normal"* place.

Don't despair, we can still be friends. You just need to take a back seat and focus on the more important things like breathing, repairing all the broken parts of me and of course, thinking up awesome made up song lyrics.

I will work on the wellness, positive thinking, happiness and quiet peace of mind. I think we can do this. I think I can do this. I have made the first move. I believe in myself and I want to be me, the real me.

Take a rest, dear brain, slow down and allow yourself to feel the things you've denied yourself for so long. It's ok, everything will be ok.

Lots of love,

Me


*Though using the word "normal" makes me squirm somewhat.