Is honesty always the best policy?

A few weeks ago I took some time off work to get my head in order and rest. I was hoping that when I went back to work, things would improve and I would get some further support. I had been very honest about what was happening and how I felt and had really believed that it had been the best course of action. I may have been wrong.

It has taken me a while to talk about this as, to be honest, I was actually very upset by how the whole thing turned out. It left me thinking, how honest should you be? Should we really have to keep our mental illnesses hidden for fear of making things worse with honesty? Who should you tell and who shouldn't you tell? Where is the line drawn?

I have always taken a very honest approach. I was upfront with my team mates and manager and I knew that the info had been filtered through to management etc. I have always been happy to talk to people about how I feel and how it could affect my work. Many of my colleagues have read my blog and have told me so, I imagine that some are reading it without mentioning it and I don't mind at all.

When I got back to work after my 3 days off, I was feeling very positive and ready to get back into things. Unfortunately, the meeting I had that morning didn't go as I had hoped and I was left feeling upset, let down and discouraged. I was asked to explain why I was feeling the way I was, I was told that I probably needed to increase my medication, I was mocked. I ended up in tears and barely able to speak.

I felt stupid for ever being as honest and open as I had. It hadn't helped me really, here I was feeling guilty for taking time off and feeling like I had to explain myself. If it was as easy as knowing why I felt like this, I wouldn't need three days off to get my brain in order. I felt angry and let down. Now I am in an awkward position of not knowing what to do from now on. Should I continue to be honest and talk about it all and ask for help or time when I need it? Or do I just shut myself off from it all and always say "I'm fine" when asked?

Of course the answer should be to carry on as I always have, to not let this beat me and to be myself, but I can't help but wonder how much trouble that will get me into. As soon as you let people into your head and have been honest with them, they feel like they are entitled to something. That they are allowed to question you, demand answers, give advice.

I am grateful that I have a job and am able to get myself here and that for the most part, I am able to get through the day without issue. I just don't know if I made a mistake by opening up, revealing something about myself that opens me up to be treated differently, maybe even unfairly. For now I am going to stick to the classic "I'm fine", we are all so well rehearsed with this line that no one will know any different.