How far we've come

It can often be so much easier to focus upon the negative. To only remember the bad things, to only think about what you failed at rather than everything you have achieved. I think that this is the same for anyone, but for anyone with depression, this can be a really big issue and a very hard habit to break. I think we all forget to take time to think about what has gone right and, as my counselor always encouraged me, to 'celebrate the small things'. So I think it's time for us to see how far we've come 

Yesterday I had a several cups of tea and a chat with a friend. I tend to ramble and over share and this was no different (I blame the caffeine) but something was different and it wasn't until I got home a few hours later that I realised what it was. Almost everything I had been talking about was something that I had overcome. It was past Pamela's issues and feelings. As much as I think that I haven't made any progress, I couldn't deny that I was pretty much a whole new person. Admittedly, I still had problems, but I was nowhere near the shell of a person I used to be.


This really got me thinking... How had I not noticed all of this change? Maybe it had been gradual or I had been too busy focusing on the fact that one bad day in ten had ruined the good days. I have real, tangible improvements and I can see this clearly when I think back to how I felt a year ago. This time last year I didn't want to go out, I barely slept and couldn't stand to be touched. I cried myself to sleep, spent a lot of time on my own and was so anxious about travelling anywhere it almost stopped me from going. I am pretty much the opposite of all of those things now. I can't deny it, I have come a long way.

That's not to say I am perfectly happy and don't have an entirely new set of issues, but some huge problems in my life have been left behind. I've shed some bad habits and I've replaced them with much more positive things and reached out to people so much more than I ever could. Being able to talk about this has really helped. Being able to get things off my mind not only helps me to empty my brain of all the noise, but also helps me to process my thoughts and realise that I am getting better.

There's nothing wrong with being proud of yourself and the the things you have overcome. It may be very hard to acknowledge them or even think about what they are and on some days it may seem like there is nothing good you can think of. But there is. No matter how small, you are making progress. I am making progress. I will continue to celebrate the small things and know that even on my darkest day, it is a step forward, away from past Pamela towards a whole new me.