Take less shit

I've been thinking.

OK that's a stupid thing to say because I think all of the time. 24/7.

Specifically, I've been thinking about the reasons behind my afflictions. Can I get to the root of them? Is there a root?

I remember my most memorable descent into depression, though I can't be sure it was my first. I was living in London, after uni. I had very few friends around and to be perfectly frank, I lived with a bully. He segregated me from my friends but refused to spend time with me. He called me names, belittled me, ignored me for days on end (which is quite the feat when you live in a studio flat) and blamed me for everything. I mean, everything.

I was made redundant and within a few weeks was told that the tiny, shitty studio we inhabited had to be vacated within the month. I had to flat hunt on my own in London with no job to speak of. I remember on the day I went to sign for the equally shitty studio flat I finally found, with no help from him, I was a shadow of a human. The woman looked at me with great concern and told me not to worry, I'd be OK. Would I?

I let that relationship ruin me for almost 3 years. It gave me my fabulously low self esteem, a huge aversion to accepting blame and a pure hatred of being ignored. I can look back now and point to elements of that relationship that explain why I behave as I do today.

Acknowledging that this absolute waste of three years is something that has contributed to my mental health is a helpful step in working out how to rebuild myself. I wish I could say that after that relationship I became stronger, more assertive and took less shit. I can't. But I plan to make that the case. I'm going to start therapy. I'm going to bring this to the table. I'm going to make it a goal of mine: Take less shit.