It's that time of year. Expectations are high and the pressure to have fun is immense. We will hear all the classics "Oh come on, smile", "Cheer up, it's Christmas" etc and while we smile through clenched teeth and fists, we know deep down that people are just trying to help. It's Christmas, the prearranged time of the year when we all have to be ok. It's just not that easy, but that is ok. Really, it is.
This is a difficult time of year for many people, not just depressives. It is a time when anxiety levels will go through the roof as we are confronted with many of our fears and triggers. It is also a time to feel. Maybe you will feel a roller coaster of emotions, from excited and happy to crushed and full of dread, I know I do. But whatever you feel, just feel it.
I told my boyfriend today that I was terrified I would have a breakdown over Christmas. He told me maybe I would, but I have to just let it happen. That it is temporary, much like the season. I know this is true, there is nothing I can really do to stop the feelings, but pretending that they are not there is never going to help me. Burying them under a pile of wrapping paper and sweet wrappers won't help.
Maybe I will just need to take some breaks, go hide on my own and allow myself to feel what I need to. Maybe everything will be fine and nothing will surface, I don't know. What I do know is, it doesn't matter either way. I am still loved, I am still wanted, I am still me.
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