Having a focus is always good for me. Knowing I have something to direct my brain towards, to absorb my thinking time into something productive and positive, is something I really strive for. For me, this was always a pet, I wanted a pet so badly. Whilst the tree has been a lovely thing to see grow, it doesn't need me and it definitely doesn't interact with me. I needed something in return.
This week, those dreams finally came true when I adopted a rabbit from the RSPCA. The process of adoption was a roller coaster of emotions, anxiety and worry. I was both excited and terrified, happy but waiting for it to all go wrong. Thankfully it didn't go wrong and I now have a ball of fluff in my life who I named Howard Moon.
Her presence has had an immediate change on my life. My mood has lifted and my thoughts are more focused and useful. I can't say I haven't been anxious, because I definitely have. But they have been, at least for the most part, more useful thoughts such as "Have I fed the bunny enough?" rather than the more destructive and unproductive thoughts that had been bombarding my mind previously.
I have found myself much more able to get up in the morning, feeling like I have so much more purpose and knowing that someone is relying on me to look after her. My thoughts during the day drift to wondering what she is doing, rather than ruminating on the endless worries I may have. I want to be there to look after her and occasionally get to stroke her ears when she isn't running away from me in terror. I want to be present. I want to be me.
I have read articles that say that having an animal in your life is a great help to your mental health. I can say that even after four days, I can see a difference. Even my counsellor noticed the difference in me. I have already found myself talking endlessly about the 'hilarious' things the bunny did, showing off photos and generally being a boring, pet owner. I don't care. I want everyone to know that I am happy and I am happy because of a grumpy little rabbit who is currently too afraid to venture further than the door to her run.
I was told that her back story involved horrible abuse and neglect and as a result of this she had both physical and mental problems, including anorexia. I knew that she was the one for me, that we could both help each other to become better versions of ourself. Even if one is a helpless, wide eyed bundle of nerves and the other is a rabbit.
I know that a pet isn't a cure all, but I also know that it is a big change and shift in my life for the better. I have a responsibility now and need to make sure that I stay well so I can take care of her. She makes me take care of myself and for that I will always be grateful. Now I just need to work on getting more bunny hugs, as they definitely are a cure all.
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