What to say when you don't know what to say

I have seen loads of articles, cartoons and tweets about how to help people with depression. Top 10 lists of things you should or shouldn't say to the depressed. Some are good, others are awful. I guess some things are just obvious. Don't say "Cheer up, it could be worse" unless you enjoy facing the wrath of a sad person. Do offer lots of support and endless cups of tea. When times are hard, tea makes all the difference.

So what should you be saying to us depressives? Or what do we want to hear? This is my own personal version of what to say when you don't know what to say. Just like me, it may be contradictory and confusing. Ah well!

Nothing.
What do you mean, nothing? I thought this was about what I should be saying? Well, sometimes, dear reader, less is more. Sometimes, just listening is enough. Hold our hand, look into our eyes and listen to what we have to say. Let us ramble and rant and cry and snot everywhere. Sometimes we just need to talk ourselves ok. If we really want you to respond, we will let you know. But as they say, silence is golden.

Do you want to play this game with me?
I love a good distraction. Something mindless and fun to keep my brain away from it's destructive thinking. Not only is a game just that, but you are asking me to come play it with you. You want to spend time with me, you want to be around me. That makes me feel better.

Do you want a hug?
Yes, yes I do.

Let me tell you a story...
Sit with me, talk to me, let me be the silent one. Tell me a long and detailed story, real or fiction, it doesn't matter. Don't get angry if it looks like I may not even be paying attention. You're there with me, your words are comforting.

I've noticed these improvements.
If you have seen positive improvements or changes, tell me, I won't be offended. You think I am coping with this better? Am I no longer as manic as I used to be? It's hard to notice the positive changes in yourself. Your feedback is useful. Just keep it positive.

It's ok to feel that way.
You may think that any sort of negative feeling and thinking should be discouraged. I disagree. Sometimes we need to know that we are not failing, we aren't letting anyone down by how we feel. Sometimes it is ok to be sad. You won't feel this way forever, it is ok to feel that way.

Do you want me to do that for you?
People need help from time to time and often they won't even realise how much they need it. Knowing that an offer of help is always there is great. Actually having someone ask you what they can do to help you is even better. Since I started getting better, my ability to keep my house in an obsessionally clean state has decreased, some days I'd say it was dirty. If someone would like to offer to come help me clean it, I would not be offended. Please... come and clean my house.

I got you this...
Who doesn't love a gift? Who doesn't like to know that someone was thinking about them? Whether it is a shell they picked up on a beach or the most expensive jewellery money can buy, it really is the thought that counts. Someone took the time out of their day to think of you, someone cares. Also - gifts... everyone loves gifts.

Can I ask for your advice?
It may not be the case for everyone, but I love to be distracted by other people's issues. It takes me away from my own and it allows me to concentrate on something else for a while. Other people have problems, I don't want to just be embroiled in my own. Let's talk about you.

I love you
It's simple enough, but more important than you'll ever know.