You are not useful to me

Hello anxiety my old friend. I see you have come to stay for a while, though no one invited you. How long do you plan to stay? It's just that I don't really have the room for you. All the room in my brain is full, taken up by all sorts of things that I'd rather keep than let you push out.

I just don't think we should see each other anymore, you have such a bad affect on me. You cause my other relationships to breakdown, you make me feel bad about myself. In fact, you do nothing good for me. Not in this quantity. You are not the primordial fight or flight reaction that could save my life, you are not useful to me.

You are just worry. Needless, painful, frightening worry. You are the closing of my throat, the rise of terror from the pit of my stomach and the shortening of my breath. You are the racing, unhelpful thoughts that I can't control, that spiral into something out of proportion. You are not useful to me.

You are the reason that my smiles don't look real and the reason I have to tell myself to enjoy a moment. You are not the real me. The confident and loving me. You are the frightened, unsure shadow of me. The insecure and needy me. You are not useful to me.

You are the reason that I need to be comforted but am terrified to reach out. The reason I struggle to make friends and why I think I'm not worthy of them. You are not useful to me.

Please, let's take a break. A long break. I'm happy if I never see you again. You have plagued me for long enough now. Let me be, I just want to be. I cannot say this enough anxiety; you are not useful to me.