If I am worried about something, I ask. If I am bothered by something, I say so. It's really working for me. It's something that I have been working on with my self esteem in mind. Being heard. Not being walked all over. Being just as important as everyone else. I may not yet believe it, but I am working towards it.
Let's take a completely hypothetical situation where someone who isn't me, was told they had to move desks at work. They were moved to sit with a different team, people who were very nice, but did not work with that person directly. This person felt like they were unimportant, that their feelings weren't considered. That they had been taken away from their team, that they had less capacity for learning how to do their job, for bonding with their teammates. Their complaints were initially dismissed. Eyes were rolled in their direction, people mocked them. But they did not give up, because they had a valid point, because they felt unhappy and uncomfortable and perhaps, maybe, they cried alone in the toilets about it.
That person took a plunge and spoke very openly and honestly in front of the entire company to say that they were unhappy with what had happened. A day later, they were returned to their seat. They instantly felt happier, they felt listened to.
And whilst that person was definitely not me, I understand how they feel. To feel that you are not being listened to, that you have no voice, that you are not as important as others, can be crippling. With the help of my psychotherapist, I am finding my voice. I am learning to say no. I am learning to turn down things that I don't want to do and to ask for things that I want. I speak up if something is not right and I question things that seem odd. God knows I don't always get it right, but that's how you learn.
I find that asking questions takes away some of my anxiety. I feel that saying no empowers me and that asking for things I want is making me happier. So many problems have arisen from keeping quiet, for not talking openly and for assuming rather than asking. I would rather know that I tried and failed than that I sat back and kept quiet. My obsessive thoughts are difficult to contain, they always come out eventually, but when they explode out of my mouth after a few days of worrying, things always seem worse than when I simply voice them as soon as I can. As we all know, nothing is ever as bad as you think it will be. Well, almost always.
So whilst I may have less to put down on (virtual) paper, I do, in fact, have a lot to say. I will just be saying more of it out loud. So expect more questions and maybe, if you're lucky... more complaints!
Not that it was me, of course.
No comments:
Post a Comment