I was hoping it came with fireworks, a party, maybe some cake. But it came and went quietly. So can I feel a difference? Without a doubt, I feel different. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago, when I was coasting by, not realising that I was wearing myself out and running empty. I am not the same person I was 1 year ago, when I was on the meds and battling my way through it. I have found my way and I have found my feet.
I have had a testing time in the last few weeks but I have been better than ok. I have dealt with things and I surprised myself at my ressiliance and the fact that I didn't slide back into a depression. I found myself starting to feel the onset of a panic attack and I talked myself down. I was alone and I did not want to descend into panic. I stopped it in it's tracks and I felt so good about it.
I have found my confidence improving and my happiness growing. I didn't think I'd get to this point and I certainly didn't think I could say that I did it on my own. It was all me.
In all seriousness though, this really is something that you have to do for yourself. Relying on others is great but it won't get you to the other side unless you are able to stand up yourself too. I have learnt that other people's support is invaluable, but the real changes will come from yourself.
I don't often say nice things about myself, I have given myself a really hard time in the past, but I have decided that I am ok really. I have accepted myself for what I am and I think I'm doing a pretty good job.
A small and quiet celebration of being well.
I just wish someone had bought cake.
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