Those who come along for the ride

I recently read a very interesting article entitled '13 Things to Remember If You Love A Person With Anxiety' which was passed on to me by a friend who recognised many of the points that related to him and his very supportive wife. When I read it, I too recognised the elements of myself that make me hard to be around, that make me wonder how someone has the patience to love me.

Whilst no one is perfect, it can often be a real test of character to be there for someone with mental health issues. To be there without judgement or annoyance and for the feeling not to be absorbed yourself. Sometimes it can be extremely contagious.

The article focused on what the person can do for the anxiety sufferer. Tips on what to say or do and what not to. It was great, but it made me think, what are the 'Things to Remember if You Love a Person Who Loves You and Your Anxiety?' Granted, the title isn't as snappy, but hey ho.

1. Tell them you appreciate them when you can
Every time they take your hand because they notice your mood change, hold you tight because it crushes some of the feelings or talk at you because you can't talk, try to remember that moment. Tell them later how it helped, how you may not be able to say it at the time, but when they are there for you it means more than they know.

2. Give them some space
Just like you need some time to gather your thoughts, centre yourself and hide from the world, your loved one needs some time to themselves. They need to recharge, it's not personal, it's just impossible to be there constantly for anyone.

3. Understand when they don't understand
Sometimes you just need to have experienced something to really get it. If your loved one has never felt the crush of anxiety (and even if they have), don't be mad if they just don't always get it. Explain as best as you can and know that they do their best to try to understand. Be thankful that they have never felt how you feel, you wouldn't want them to.

4. Tell them when something they do helps
They might do something without even realising how much it helps but the effect is great. Tell them, no matter how small.

5. Try things
This may sound terrifying, but try things for them. I used to be terrible, I would never try new things, I was always too afraid to. Encouraged by my boyfriend, I tried new things things I thought I'd be terrible at or couldn't do. Nothing was as bad as I thought it would be. I learned so many new things.

6. Look after them
Do little things for them, let them know you care and think about them. Knowing that the concern isn't one sided is important. This is obvious for any relationship, but people with anxiety can often feel like they are a burden to their loved ones. Keeping a balance is important.

7. Be yourself
Never hide your feelings from them. They know anyway, they can see right through you, they know when you are pretending you are ok. They know that you spend so much of your energy being 'ok'. You can be yourself, that's who they love.

Whilst none of these things are particularly revelational, it can become pretty easy to take someone for granted. Sometimes we can become so wrapped up in our feelings as they are overwhelming, paralysing and all consuming, that we forget that we are not going through this alone. Many of us have someone who is along for the ride and quite often need just as much help as we do.

To my very own Person Who Loves Me and My Anxiety, you will never know how much you have done for me. I will be forever grateful for the person you have helped me become. In the words of someone infinitely more wonderful than me:

"I love you for who you are and will never ask nor expect you to change"

This is the original article